Originally Posted On: Starting A New Relationship? Don’t Ignore These Things! – A Nation of Moms
Starting a new relationship is generally lots of fun as much as it is somewhat stressful. The urge to always be in each other’s company, take trips to discover new places, or engage in cute couple activities can be overwhelming. This intense desire could cause you to turn a blind eye to potential red flags, but who can blame you? You’re in love!
According to statistics, men are 48% more likely to experience feelings at first sight than 28% of ladies. But irrespective of this, there are vital things you should consider before entering a new relationship. Are you looking for a healthier relationship this time around? Then, here are a few things you should consider.
- Self-reflect on who you are
This is where you need to ask yourself some tough questions. What qualities do you appreciate in others? What are your weaknesses? While at it, create a list of the traits you want to develop and add your personality, but don’t stop there. Act on your list by making a conscious attempt to develop yourself. It would be just a matter of time before you start seeing yourself as the person you want to become with continuous effort.
- Keep the past where it belongs
Everybody has had a past that they would prefer to forget than carry around as a burden. Memories can cause you not to grow when you’re dwelling so much on it. Your new partner who had a life before you and the choices they made in their past shouldn’t define them. Some decisions they took felt right in the moment, but we have all been wrong before, haven’t we? Learn how to move on from people who are no longer in your life and the experiences you had with them. Instead, try and look forward to a better future.
- Pursue your passion
One key to living an extraordinary life is finding that one thing you’re passionate about. Is it gardening or animals? Or is it writing that gets you excited? Whatever it is, why not make it a large piece of your life? It is incredibly useful to pursue your interests when you are entering into a new relationship. Whether you’re pursuing your goals or simply finding what they are, never put it on hold at any point. We often take the “we” attitude and consequently end up pursuing our dreams and desires. It is possible to strike a healthy balance without seeming self-absorbed.
- Take care of yourself
You may have continuously spent so much energy trying to make yourself into a perfect match for your previous partner that you forgot to take care of yourself. While it is okay to improve your shortcomings, spend time doing the things that make you cheerful and energetic. How you treat yourself sets the tone for how you want your partner to treat you. It could be working out, going for a walk, or karaoke night at the pub. Invest time doing the things that will boost your energy, and you’ll be glad you did.
- Psychologically separate from your parents
As easy it sounds, psychologically separating from your parents is not an easy task. Many people think they have done this, but in fact, they’re only living in denial. Continually allowing your parents to meet your emotional needs means that you redirect some part of your energy that needs to go into your romantic affairs. This doesn’t mean you should stop spending time with them, enjoying their company, or talking about your life wishes with them. However, learn to become independent of your parents. Create your path; you’re not living for yourself if you excessively depend on their guidance, opinion or direction.
- Get your life together
Nothing breeds confidence than knowing you are in control of your life. What’s more attractive than a confident person? It is time to get the mess together; get your car washed, grab some new sheets from the store and breathe some new life into your situation. Take a break from social media; this will keep you from regularly being fed with sceneries and many other things that are mostly toxic. Nobody wants a relationship with someone who hasn’t gotten their act together. The earlier you get yourself together, the sooner new love will come calling.
- Accept people for who they are
Learning that other people do not exist to gratify your desires is very important to have a lasting relationship. You can only say a relationship is useful when both partners feel comfortable accepting each other’s flaws. It’s not just about ignoring your spouse’s shortcomings but your readiness to learn to embrace them. This is the hardest thing you will learn in a relationship. Acceptance is vital if you want your relationship to work. Blame the situation and not your partner, and you’ll both grow together.
- Sex is not the only form of intimacy
Studies have shown that relationships that start with sex instead of emotional intimacy do not end in committed relationships. Desist from seeing sex as the only way to spice things up in your relationship. Instead, spend your energy on developing personally, and you’ll find someone who likes the person you are more than what you offer in the bedroom. We presently live in an age of sex-positivity, where more emphasis is placed on sex than partners’ readiness to be involved sexually. Like Dr. Campbell rightly put it, until you’re both 100% ready, abstain from sex.
- Learn from model relationships around you
We aspire to be like pioneers like Bill Gates, Oprah Winfrey, or an inventor like Elon Musk. This does help us turn out to be better people at what we do. In that same regard, you should learn from other successful relationships around you. This way, you can appreciate the things you should work out, traits to address, and where to gently compromise. Couples in such relationships can offer you valuable advice to help you build a healthier relationship.
- Cultivate the habit of independence
Don’t go through everyday spending time with your new partner. This can put your relationship with your partner and even friends at risk. You will be putting too much pressure on the relationship if you let your life revolve around it. Have friends, engage in that activity you’re excited about, and more importantly, prioritise spending time with yourself. It’s about maintaining a healthy balance. Your partner shouldn’t be your only source of happiness and fulfilment.
- Don’t just talk, communicate
Communication is a necessary aspect of our everyday living. Effective communication is one skill you should develop in your relationship. Sadly, you can spend years together with your new partner and not have the kind of bond the relationship needs. Relationship experts often advise that to communicate with your partner effectively, you should be direct and considerate about what you say. You should also avoid being rude and arrogant. Instead, discuss issues lovingly for both parties to feel heard and understood. And when arguments occur, find ways to forgive one another and patch things up quickly. For example, you could get some romantic gift ideas from stores online such as Fig & Bloom, or plan a date night at your partner’s favourite restaurant.
Relationships are interestingly complicated. The differences in goals and expectations between you and your partner will put your relationship up for a real test. It is easy to blame another or shrug certain things off when things are not working. As it is often said, a relationship is a silent gift of nature. With care, respect, and the above tips, you and your partner are set for a romantic adventure of a lifetime.